Music: Tori Amos - Juarez

What a day. It finally cooled down a little bit. I was so excited about it that I had to get out of the house. I was starting to lose my mind being inside for so long.

I was on-line for a while this afternoon checking emails and forums and I seen my brother on-line. We began to argue now I don't know what to say to him anymore. I'm not exactly trying to get through to him, I'm just hoping I can offer a little insight by just telling him what I think about things. He is so angry right now, so bitter at the world and it's affecting everyone. He started saying shitty things to me, which are not true, but now I'm left to think he has major issues with everyone in our family.

I feel bad about everything he went through in the hospital because he could have died it was so bad and for a while he was doing OK. He moved here almost a month ago and things seemed great, he was helping to work on a film and he found a great place and seemed to enjoy everything. This past two weeks has been another story. He is miserable and hating the world. He won't talk to anyone and even told me he's become an atheist, which is fine, I have nothing against that, but I do when he says he lost all his faith in spirituality because life dealt him a shitty card.

Hearing him say these things made me think of my own experiences. He knows of all the shit that I went through, but I was never so lost in self-pity to give up all hope, to then become bitter and resentful toward everything that exists. I had my moments of anger and sadness but I never lashed out on everyone and said shitty things as he has been doing.

I just wish I could reach out somehow because he's going too far, he's just so angry and it's scary. How could someone be so consumed in how things didn't go the way they wanted for them that they can turn their entire way of thinking just like that.

It's so selfish.

He has a son and a fianc�e. I could never be that way, I wouldn't let myself being a mother.

I'm just so shocked by everything.

Anyway.

I went to my sister's this evening to visit. Jesse and the kids came along, then we went sightseeing for a while. We had to come home early because my son is getting his back teeth and isn't feeling too good.

I was brainstorming ideas for the new website tonight and I FINALLY came up with an idea that I am happy with. Finally! I was taking so long to get some ideas going because I do want the perfect website to be able to show my art to the world with. I'll probably begin work on that this week and by the end of this week I have to mail off the painting that I'm entering into the contest. Lots of work for me and I look forward to all of it. I will post the link once it's done.

It won't be much at first, but I will slowly be building it as the weeks go on. I must have it completed by the fall.

Beautiful night.