I hate Jesse right now. He'll be sleeping on the couch when he gets home. I wonder if my dad will lend me some money so I can stick Jesse in a hotel for the weekend. Probably not. Wishful thinking. Dammit.

I'm super hungry but am just bushed from my busy day. I woke up with the kids, did breakfast, laundry, cleaned their rooms and all the toys scattered throughout the house. Showered and got all prettied up(for no reason, I was just sick of sitting in my pj's), went outside with the kids and read Blackwood farm by Anne Rice while they tried to eat bugs and played with their miniture rake and shovels. It got too hot out and we all came back in for lunch and popsicles and I put on Monsters Inc. for them while I tried to read, then Jesse called and we were having a bad conversation so I hung up on him, now the kids are having a very late nap(VERY LATE) while I sit here trying to convince my sister to get me something to eat.

Anyway, my dad and younger brother will be here tonight. My older brother is coming Saturday with my seven month old nephew. We're all kind of curious to see how that turns out, my brother roaming around with a baby, it's just so unlike him.

I really need to wind down now. I barely had an peacefullness to myself at all today. I read, but it seemed I was looking up to keep and eye on the kids after every few paragraphs of the book. I only completed one chapter while I was outside.

I don't even know if I want things to be better between Jesse and I. It seems as though I want things to get worse so I can be free. I love him, but I don't think I have been in love with him for a while now. Being his girlfriend/fiance really makes me feel trapped.