I can't take it anymore. I have so much tormented feelings inside me that I don't understand. I was fine for a while, but since winter it just seems to be slowly getting worse.

I can't control anything anymore. I can't control my angry thoughts, my tears or my joy. I can't keep things bottled up anymore.

Jesse thinks I should go on some kind of medication to make me "normal", of course I argued that I will NEVER do that. I will fight with every last bit of energy that I have. I will always fight before I give into an easy way out.

I just need a small hint, a small click in the brain so I can have a push towards something...towards anything that will help me feel a little less lost.

Fuck, I feel too desperate right now. I feel pathetic and weak. I am in constant agony, holding back emotion and tears. I bite my lip hard and force it back.

What could it be?

I hate feeling like i'm going to break down because there is so much that I love about life and there is so much that inspires me, it's just that I can't get past all this confusion and sadness within.