Cocteau Twins - Domino

Right now i'm eating a delicious supper that Jesse made. Vegatarian spegetti with different kind of cheeses melted on top. I can't even begin to tell you how good this is, i'm eating it so slowly to savour the yummy goodness of it all.

I've been feeling kind of ill lately, so I called my surgeon to make sure I don't have an infection because Jesse is making me paranoid saying it might be one. My Doctor is currently in the operating room so he'll call me back. It could be a virus, or it could just be the fact that my body doesn't want to heal properly. I hate this. I should be feeling good by now. The purpose of the type of surgery I had was to heal in days instead of weeks.

Stupid surgery.

My grandmother is coming into the city tonight. The grandmother everyone thinks looks just like a witch, the exact one that I explained once before. Anyway, she is bringing me some tea leaves and other goodies like roots and leaves. They're actually from my brother, he was in the mountians a while ago and collected enough goodies for me, my sisters, aunts, grandmothers and mother. Mmmm, my house is going to smell so good after burning most of these things. I'll have enough medicine to last me a few years. I can't wait to see my grandmother though, she tells the funniest stories. I miss my great grandmother too, she is in her 90's and wanting to go back to Scotland, so i'm hoping to make a visit to see in in Ontario with the kids before she leaves forever.

I spent most of my night fixing up Ailah's room. We built her a sofa type thing using six inches of foam, wrapping that in a rainbow cover and throwing on butterfly pillows and kitty pillows. It's her reading area and her lounging area. Today she was all laid out on her little couch singing. I created the spot for when we read books together. Her room is huge. There is a playhouse in it too. We're putting in a small table for her also. Jesse wanted a desk, but I thought a table could be put to better use since we have two kids now.

I've been plagued with nightmares. Dreams filled with blood, gore and things unthinkable. I'm not scared, just confused. What's the purpose of me having dreams so horror-like. If I was into making scripts, I could make some amazing movies with these dreams. They're so totally fucked and they're making me feel all fucked up.

I just don't get it.