Listening to: Dax Riggs (what else?)

I feel so hungry right now, i'm eating a pear and animal crackers. The time on my computer is all fucked up. It says at 8am right now, and it isn't, I think it's only 2am.

Today was so awful. Jesse and I did not get along at all. My stomack was killing me more than ever for some odd reason. I also just hate living here. I am starting to hate this house, along with my ever growing hate for this city. I'm starting to hate Jesse. I'm impossible.

I realize that i'm impossible and I don't do anything about it. I hold high expectations for everyone to fit into, if it doesn't work out, I am filled with anxiety and obsessivness. I can't let things go. I can't just accept. I can't ever forgive. This all hurts me. It holds me in a trap of wanting to live in a world perfect to only me. I live in my own world, then I get mad when no one understands me. I hate myself because it's effecting everyone.

My mother always tells me that when I begin to feel this way that it's because i'm detached from my spirit, that I need to reconnect myself again and balance everything out. I know this, but I just feel scared. I'm forever scared.

Everytime I do a reading on myself, or get a reading, it's the same fucking thing. GET IN TOUCH WITH YOURSELF, GET TO KNOW YOURSELF, AWAKEN YOUR TRUE SELF. For years and years, the same advice. I want to make myself happy, but what am I do afraid of. Why am I so stubborn and why do I feel like this conqeurs me in a bad way.

I need to change.