Tiamat - Desolate ones

I guess no one liked Dax or no one checked his stuff out?

I went to my eye appointment today and picked out some pretty frames. They're super nice and the wierd lady kept making me show all the other ladies how good I looked in them. I felt kind of retarted having to keep modeling for everyone. I got a lot of compliments on my hair and clothes today, so I was feeling like a superfreak. I liked when they gave me the drops to dialate my pupils, everything was so bright and fuzzy and all I wanted to do was close my eyes and sit in the breeze outside, which is what I did for a while, then it got too hot.

I'm supposed to be watching The Count of Monte Cristo with Jesse right now, but I can't just sit there and stare, I have to do something. I tried writing, but I could barely do that either. My brother is writing a play right now and wants me to send him some of my work. He tried to make me paint all their stage props a few years ago, but I just didn't want to get involved in theatre type stuff then, now I think I might just give it a shot. I'm willing to try out a lot of other options for creating right now. I need to put my brain to work.

I'm going to get myself a laptop to write on. I hate using this computer. Jesse build this for his gaming and programming, so it's basically always in use. I need to get my writing typed out. I kind of regret selling my computer to my sister, she barely even uses it and I used to always use mine. Fuck, I can be so stupid sometimes.

Oh god, I have a very high interest in someone right now. I can't tell anyone either. I want to, but I can't. I'm keeping my mouth shut for good, until something comes up to make this all okay. Jesse and I are kind of apart, a wierd break that I don't understand at all. I'm feel so torn.

I feel like jumping out of my skin and living a strange odd life for a little while. I've come into this domestic lifestyle since Ailah was born and it drives me crazy sometimes. I think i'm still just adjusting and not all that successful at compramising the two very different sides of me.

I'm working on it though.

Anyway, I have to write out something, how to work on my solarplexis chakra.

Beautiful night.