NIN - Terrible Lie

I wrote this a while ago...and this feeling always stays the same, this thought and my gratitude. All my love grows and so does the obsession...

I've found many things to help me through this in small ways. My mother is

the most important. No matter what, she would sacrafice things to help me in

every way. She is an angel to me and I love her so much. I just want her to

hold me and talk to me the way we used to before I closed everyone off.

Second is Jesse. No matter what happens between us, he's always lets me know

I'm beautiful and that he loves me no matter what. It was hard stuff for me

to swallow at first. I know there is stuff inside of him and he doesn't

understand it so he doesn't quite understand me, but he loved me and tries

so hard, he is so beautiful inside and out, and he will forever be my dark

angel. For his and my obsession with beauty in darkness, and the help he has

helped me with. Oh god, I can't even explain all he's done for me. When I

left councelling, he tried hard to help me with these projects with myself.

he would sit for hours listening to me and hug me if i needed it. Do the

rituals I believe in with me, and sacrafice his time to just be by my side

while I screamed my pain into the darkness or had anxiety

attacks...disoriented I didn't really notice much his help...I didnt' even

notice myself and what was happening or what triggered it. I love him..and

will forever love him.