Moonspell - Sin/Pecado

I felt like I was travelling out of my body last night. Waking up wasn't normal, it was like I was shot back into my body so fast that there wasn't time to adjust or wake nicely. Everything felt strange, it took me a bit of time to realize where I was and to begin to feel comfortable again. It didn't really feel like I had slept at all, yet I feel rested and the time on the clock shows I've had plenty of sleep.

I woke to a strange noise. I swear someone was in my room. I could hear heavy footsteps, heavy breathing, like they were pacing in my room. I couldn't tell if I was awake or dreaming. I could barely focus because I felt so strange, my entire body felt so light, almost ghostly.

I still feel quite wierd. I want to be amused by somebody, but nobody is around. I feel nobody is interesting. I think having obscure fetishes and facinations makes the world seem a lot more dull.

I really crave bookstores. I want to get lost in different worlds. I want to read everybody else's words. I want to read Henry Miller. I want to continue building my book collection. I want my very own library.

I want to meet someone new. I really want to experience a completely different atmosphere....I love getting to know people, but once I know them, I disappear to the next person who may attract my interest.

I talked with Jesse saturday night. I cried and cried all night. I was so sad, thinking about all the suffering I know about that goes on with less fortunate children. My sister was travelling last week and came across a small child, with barely any clothes and they were hungry, plus they really seemed like they were physically abused. When she told me that it struck something inside, I wanted to travel through time and rescue. I hate when such innocence has to experience the shittiest things in this world before they can understand anything. It's unfair and I know the damage such trauma causes. I can't stand knowing children and babies having to go through such cruelties. I know I can't save every child in this world, i'm not some super human, but I do know that with the knowledge and interest of my own self, I can use them to help them in some way.

So when talking to Jesse, I realized one thing I do want to try accomplish. Child psychology. My interest and knowledge are already so vast and great in that area, but when I think about going to school for it, I don't know what I want to use it for, who I want to work with. It's been three years since I lost any focus for school and making a decision to try accomplish. I planned on going back this fall, but to just take classes I need for my own personal interests. Pay for it all on my own and just keep doing that while I continue to write and do my art...but now I have something a little more challenging. I have made up my mind. I'm really looking forward to it.