I apologize to no one but myself.

Yes, it's been a while since I felt so angry, so angry that I didn't have any other way to deal with my frustrations. A house full of people and I knew no one would understand. I can't be calm all the time, even though I seem to be the calmest one in my entire family.

What is my problem? I'm not entirely sure at this time. I am happy and content to a certian point, but something feels missing, I don't feel completely safe or free. I have this buzzing feeling in my body, in my mind and I can't rest easy most of the time.

I have had some things come up from the past and I almost panicked. Do I deal with it, or do I try to push it away. Did I deal with it then? No. I must remember why this all surfaced back then and why I moved forward to try overcome it.

One side of my family has a dark secret, and even though I spoke up and warned everyone, they turned their backs on me...but now it's affecting them and suddenly they're my friend, suddenly I keep thinking that my file will open back up again...

I am really lost about what to do about it. I will only keep in mind that I want to help people, but I want nothing to do with them still.

I knew something was odd lately, I could feel it, sense it. I got a strange phone call that made me paranoid and made my heart race.

Then, there is my issues with being a free spirit in a relationship. I love it, yet I hate it.

I couldn't sleep and I couldn't cry. I had no one to speak to, no one to listen, so I cut myself. I swore I would never do this again. I even felt bad before I began, but after I forgot about everything that was making me feel crazy and I was able to sleep.

When I was writing elsewhere for a while, I made an entry about why I used to cut here.

I'm not in that place anymore, I'm far from it, yet i'm not perfect either. I feel i'm doing quite awesome with how i'm finding myself, but there are still those odd times I don't know what to do with myself when things get heavy in my heart.