Hearing: The Bones of Baby Dolls - Acid Bath

I went out today and I felt alright. I came home happy and enjoyed the rest of the day and night.

I made some tofu and noodle stirfry for supper. My son loved it and my daughter hated it. I always end up making Ailah something completely different from what I make. They're actually both pretty picky eaters and I have a hell of a time planning out meals. I'm a nutrition freak and i'll make many different things in order to get them to eat.

I also watched The Pianist tonight and I thought it was just excellent. I was lost in the whole film and if I was inturrupted, I quickly fixed it so I could go on with watching.

I lit a candle for my brother and visualized pure white light around him. I feel I can only do so much being stuck in Regina. The candle is still burning right now.

My mom just came back into the city last night and left back again to see my brother. He is still pretty scared because I think the infection is in his arm now, plus he is having surgery within a day or two to have the tube removed. He wants my parents there. I can't even imagine what he's going through. My grandmother called me this afternoon and said he isn't doing too good emotionally, he's having panic episodes and causing his asthma to flare up again, which just causes him more pain.

My dad and yougest sister are both coming down this weekend. I have not seen my sister in two months. I miss her so much. My dad will be down in time for father's day too. I want to buy or make him a special gift. I'm not sure what though, maybe i'll get an art piece framed. He still has a large painting framed and hanging in his home. He always talks about it and asks me if I still do that particular type of painting, which I don't. I did it as an experimental project when I was 17 and when my parents divorced, it was the only thing he wanted to keep from the house. He came to me and specifically asked for it. I think I'll make another just like it and make that his father's day gift.

I've done so many different types of paintings. It's kind of funny, when I first moved in with Jesse I transformed the apartment into my art domain. I had paintings and portraits everywhere. I did a nude painting of Jesse and hung it up in the main room. Everyone would come over and look at it, compliment it and then realize it was Jesse's naked body they were admiring. Most would shy away like it was the polite thing to do. It always made me laugh. My dad refused to look at it after the first time he had seen it.

Back to that painting I did for my dad...

I had a phase where I designed a flower and was obsessed with it. I drew it and painted it all the time(the huge painting is the one that my dad has). I always designing tattoo's in highschool and incorporated that flower into them. The other students took notice of this and my lunch hours soon became a "safe" tattoo parlor. I was using pen and drawing on the surface of skin on people I didn't even know. I was drawing that flower on everyone. It was really wierd to have people sit around and watch me draw and then want me to draw on them.

I loved to draw from as long as I can remember. I used to help a friend design comics when I was 13, then I got into the tattoo art, then paintings and the whole linear design. I love it. I began trying everything out. As a kid I did small projects but never really though it was art.

I never thought any of my art was really good, I just loved to do it. It was the only thing that made me feel complete and in tune with myself. I spent so much time of my life wondering what I was supposed to do. My parents are both business people and I thought I would have to take the same path. I always wanted to make a living off my art since I sold a lot and people liked everything I did. I would be just doodling and have someone notice and they would ask me to name a price for it, even before it was done. That was a sure sign to take if further than just a hobby.

I didn't know how to go about it, then my brother started to really go places with his. He went to school to learn how to film and what not, he does shows all over the place, writes his own music, does photography and gets paid to do what he loves. He helps people also and has started up a drama troup for inner city kids so they have a place to release some energy and do something constructive. I look up to my brother as a fellow artist and a role model as well. I see the amount of work he puts into his career by listening to his CD, watching him on t.v and just seeing his projects and seeing him work so many hours to fulfill his dream. His determintation has given me strength to make a career of my creativity.

I've seen him perform and he just blew me away. We spent a year away from each other and then all of a sudden he was performing his songs he wrote and I was so proud of him.

I just hope he pulls through all of this. I think a lot of my art interests began with him because he pushes everything forward so easily. He started showing me tattoo magazines and we would sit around and make our own, we would look at fantasy art and try that out. He was always drawing with me. I have tons of sketch pads filled up and I have one with our shared art. I saved it and I love looking over it. We talk art all the time and to me art is the only thing that really keeps us closely bonded, when we weren't being creative, we were back to being typical siblings and fighting.

Anyway, It's late and this entry is much too long.

Beautiful night.