My hair is growing, I'm so happy. Right now I have it in a bandana..not my style at all, I detest the things, but I had no choice. I was wearing pigtails before bed and that's what I was wearing when I woke up, although they went all warped while sleeping and turned out looking like sideways horns. I didn't have time to shower, then I heard a knock at the door, so I hanked them out of my hair and stuck this on my head. It won't be on for long, because i'm going to have that shower after I finish up my emails and this entry.

Some idiot always pulls up outside of our building honking his horn for a very long time. It's annoying and it usually wakes somebody up. He just did it and both my kids are having their naps. Now Gian's grumbling. He really, really hates being bothered while he's sleeping. It's kind of cute, but it's annoying because his sleep gets inturrupted. Ailah normally doesn't get bothered by noises, she sleeps like a log.

Anyway, I got into a big fight with Jesse this weekend. I was so pissed off at him, yet we weren't getting through to each other, he just wasn't really making sense to me. So I called my mother and talked to her for a bit. She knew instantly that his side didn't have anything to do with me, she said obviously his issues with his mother are coming up, which did make sense and I understood why he was sounding so stupid.

Things are calm between us now, but i'm just not into him as much anymore. I told him last night that he he's been a big bore to me since the day I met him, even if it hurt him, I just felt he should know that, and I explained why, so he would understand why I am the way I am with him. He really puts a damper on things that are really energized and exciting. He's too mellow and it drags me down because i'm with him, I live with him and it's like we don't do anything, unless I initiate we go out and do some crazy stuff.

He's a cuddly type guy and his state he lives in is such a sombre romantic feel, and I am not really like that. I go to extremems with all my feelings and emotions, and I hate it being so soft and slow. I hate being cuddled constantly, I seriously want to puke when he says he just wants to hold me all night and not say anything. Yet if I want it my way, it seems to excite him and interst him and he'll go along. It gets really annoying when he can't do it on his own, because he doesn't think of it and I tell him over and over to stop being such a drag because i'm losing interesting. It may sound harsh, but i'm honest.

I love him and I care for him deeply. We click in so many other ways, yet we're so opposite. I told him i'm becoming curious and gaining great attraction to others...that I want to be single again, I love being single and he's the only person I let myself go with, just to be together and live for one another...now i'm resenting that choice and I want to be a big flirt once again, because it's fun...I need fun.

Oh, I also met someone with the most beautiful hands. Perfection. I havn't seen anyone with such a flawlessness and perfect shape since Jesse's and I couldn't keep my eyes off them. The things that attract me...so strange. I think it comes from being an artist and being a taurus and having the need to be surrounded by beauty. My son is a taurus, his numbers and planet all say the same thing. I have to balance him out, my mother warned me of this...or he can become a shallow concieted little guy, like a playboy. I get caught in that web from time to time, but I remember there's more than just physical beauty. I sway from physical desire to pondering and investigating human nature and becoming so intruiged with it.