|I am living in a world that is asleep
3:43 a.m. Jul. 17, 2007
It's early in the morning and I sit here awake. I had too much sleep and now I just want to escape and day dream and be lost forever in my own thoughts. It's a cool summer night, a little muggy. There is a thick fog so that should show much muggy it is right now. I am sitting here, staring out the door on this odd uncomfortable chair I keep for decorative purposes. Strange girl I am but I like things to just "fit right".
It's so spooky out right now. Tree branches move in the wind and under the street lamp I think of movie The Exorcist. I love the night though, it is the only time that I have to myself. Being a mom leaves no free time. I need that time to just let my worries melt away, to absorb the quietness and feel lost in all of it.
I know I should sleep but I am too fascinated with what's going on in this dead silence and this wide open window. Summer nights are filled with insomnia.
I don't talk to people anymore, not much. I have been transitioning and it was hard to let a lot of old friends go. I still miss some of them, talk to some on occasion but I know it's time to say good bye. I am much too different now, they are strange to me most of the time. I need this time to be alone though, to be away from everyone. I spend too much time being there for everyone, always having someone around me that I value time alone like you wouldn't believe.
I used to always crave wild lust filled adventure. Now I just want peace and quiet. Will I ever wake up?