My back is really bothering me. Yesterday I just felt so fatigued and my circulation was bad again. I kept getting pains down my legs and weird sensations. I just felt so crappy.

I had plenty of rest and my mind felt alert and everything but my body was doing it's own thing. I was at my sister's place having supper and I had to borrow socks and wear a sweater. I was so cold and my back was aching.

I'm so fucking sick of this. I want my life back, I want to be normal. The last normal stage I had was probably right before I had my first son.

I have not been keeping up with my therapy so I guess it is my fault. I just hate having to be somewhere every week so I can feel ok for the week. I have my son to truck around to see different therapists and then anything I do around here just hurts. I complain about this a lot but I don't have much else that consumes so much of my life.

I know this will all take time, it took a long time to get this way so I have to be patient with healing. My life is all about nurturing myself right now. I have not spent so much time on myself in ages. It feels good to tell you the truth. I go for an hour massage at least once a month, when I go every week to second week that's the best.

It all depends on what kind of week I had.

When I am not busy I try to spend all the free time I can on just doing things I want to do, anything that makes me peaceful. It's all about me time. I am not painting at all. I was going to finish some paintings this week but I decided they can wait for a few weeks.