The world feels chilly and I hate that I am so much like a reptile. I don't do well in extreme temperatures, so as winter makes it's way, I'll be wearing layers of clothing and huge warm slippers.

I've been neglecting myself again. I get so caught up in taking care of everyone else that I forget about myself often. I forget to eat or by the time I want to eat I don't know what I want to eat so I will wait it out until I do, sometimes missing a meal or just eating whatever is quick because I'm that hungry.

I can't make up my mind at all. I wish I could by saying "as long as it has cinnamon in it", but that just won't do. Not everything has cinnamon in it.

What the hell is with my cinnamon obsession anyway?

I need balance. I need to go for long walks by myself at least twice a day (once during the day and once at night). I need to meditate and work with color. I need my senses to be overwhelmed. I need to feel a warm body holding me, making me feel safe even if it's only for a few seconds.

I am very much in love with Jesse still yet I have to put him on hold for now. He will understand. He always understands. I am happy, very happy but I need to pretend that I am all alone when I am alone. I must complete something within myself right now.