I'm starting to feel like a huge over-sized beach ball with legs and arms. It's such a chore to get out of bed in the morning. I feel like I have to slowly roll out because my bed is overly soft and if I get out too fast I basically hurt something.

Ah yes, I'm becoming miserable now, very very miserable. I'm usually very irritable at night and I need everything very dark and quiet, well now I demand more than that. I can even hear the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen and I sleep at the end of the hall. I am easily bothered by smells, not in the way I was with morning sickness on but in another way. I don't get sick to my stomack, I just get really irritated.

I'm also getting scared of having to deliver a baby again. It does not matter how hard I try not to think about those traumatizing memories, they just seem to be there like a haunting reminder. The birth of both my kids were so different that I am not sure if I'm looking forward to what will be the outcome of this third one.

With my son I woke up fully dialated. The nurses and doctor were awe in how I actually was able to shower, pack a bag and get to the hospital without the baby coming out. It was weird really, I woke up at 6am thinking I just really had to go to the bathroom, then in an instant the pain just hit full force and I was screaming my head off, well screaming into a pillow most of the time because my daughter was getting freaked out. I barely had time to breathe but I was determined to make it to the hospital. I got there just after 7am and as soon as I was laying down I was pushing. I did that for 10 minutes and then my son was born. He was easy but it was torture all the way to the hospital. When I was having killer contractions with my daughter's birth, I had Jesse, my mom and dad in the room to help me through them and all that lasted around six hours(I was induced). My mom kept me focused and breathing as much as possible but on that drive to the hospital with my son, I didn't care about that, I screamed my head off all the way there and Jesse ended up driving very illegally fast. He was scared and was also determined not to have a baby outside of the hospital on our own.

It would have made for a great story I'm sure but it would have been very scary. I'm glad I held myself together long enough to get to the hospital.

I don't think I will be doing anything exciting until that day comes. I am not in any kind of mood to even bother at all. I just want to keep comfortable, eat healthy and keep my mind occupied. I'm not doing a lot of things that don't require much physical movement. Reading, painting, watching movies, and just a lot of nesting around the house. It's like I take on a spring cleaning chore everyday. Walking is out of the question and that's the easiest thing to do for exercise but my hips are so bad right now I will not attempt something as easy as that.