I get new sexy undies tomorrow. Jesse is going to surprise me so I'm very curious to see what I get. I'm big on underwear. I collect slip dresses and everything else you could think of.

I've been so stressed out all week. I need rest and more time alone. I feel like a worried mommy and a suppressed artist.

For the past few months my son has been undergoing some testing. There are some concerns about him and while we wait for tests results and go through more tests it's really hard on everyone. I try keep in good spirits and not let worrying get in the way while I wait but at the same time while everyone is reassuring me it'll be OK I want to scream at them that I'm his mother, it's not so easy to just shake everything off. I can't just blissfully ignore it. I think about it every day.

The hardest part for me is having to put him through this. I can't stand seeing him stressed or freaked out and unable to understand. I also really don't like just discussing this, it just feels too personal but I need an outlet right now.

All this really tests a parents patience though. There is so much to wait through. Sometimes I can do that just fine, wait like it's a birthday and other times I just think about it too much. I'm sure it will all pass and I'll be much more used to it but right now I kind of bounce back and forth on the two way to cope with it.