Hearing: Katatonia

Oh my, so much has happened in the past three days and I also realized that I am one hell of an intuitive person. It happens with everything, I can never live in denial if I wanted to.

It's hard to even know where to begin or even what to say.

I'm gaining more trust in myself and in this world.

I had a dream about my brother not too long ago, and well, I said that dream symbolized a lot except the the positive test. Well I was wrong. That dream was right in every way possible.

I've missed my period twice, last month I bought a test which turned out negative. I always buy a test if I miss, even if it's late and it's always negative. A few nights ago Jesse said something was wrong with me and I agreed. Unexplained fevers, severe mood swings. One minutes I'm the happiest person and the next I'm wallowing in sadness. Then last week I noticed, being a vegan, that I just had to eat meat. So I've been eating a lot of meat lately and I can't stop.

When I made that big deal about the name with my brother, well I guess I had a good reason. I was so upset about it during the time and no one understood how I could just know that I had to have this name.

Three months ago I told a few people that "she" was calling to me, as my other two children have. It doesn't matter what I do to stop it or hold it off, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. I didn't think it would happen so soon though, in my mind I think I was hoping for at least two years.

Everyone thinks I'm crazy but I am happy about this. Yes I am young and I have two kids already but this is one of my jobs and it's a job that I am proud of and wouldn't trade for anything in the world. It's fate. I know I am a good mother, Jesse is an excellent father and our family feels right, meant to be.

I have a few fears about being pregnant during the summer. I was always blessed to have the big round belly through winter. It kept me warm :)