Music: Acid Bath - The Bones of Baby Dolls

Tonight has been moving incredibly slow. I watched Underworld mostly by myself. Jesse fell asleep about half an hour into the movie. The poor guy only got four hours sleep last night. I don't blame him. I wish I could sleep so easily though.

I actually liked the movie. I wanted to see it but was also kind of skeptical. We curled up in our big cozy bed and watched it in the dark. I love watching movies in darkness, it helps me get lost in them easier.

Lately I just don't feel like doing anything. I just want to sleep or relax. I keep having wierd dreams also. I dreamt I was shopping for Advil with my brother and I told him I thought I might be pregnant and I was all nervous to tell Jesse, so he made sure I found out right away. That dream was just not a great one to wake up to seeing as I sent Jesse for some Advil that morning. It was eerie.

But no, I am not pregnant. Now that I had more time to think about that dream, it symblized more to me.

I really miss my younger brother a lot. He's a great guy and one of the most funny people I know. We sit around and laugh for hours. We never fight. I have two sister and another brother and I have had so many spats with each of them. I just get along with my brother, he's different. He's not the greatest guy to talk about things that bother you but he really tries. He'll call me up out of the blue and ask me how I'm feeling before he catches up on everything else. He really tries to make sure that I'm happy.

We also always have dreams about each other. He calls me quite a bit to discuss some of them because I can kind of help him with them. He has some where I die and it freaks him out. I also dream about him dying a lot. I know we're close so I think those dreams just signify the changes we notice with each other.

I guess I just miss our brother sister relationship. The fun we have and our talks. I can't talk with my other brother, he's too judgemental. My sisters are great listeners and it's hard to talk to them when we have our usual sisterly fights so often, and they tend to always be in a dispute with someone. I guess I'm the peacemaker of the family. I can usually calm everyone down and help them see eye to eye.

I don't know, maybe my brother seeks so much from me why we can talk back and forth. He's always asking me things, trying to learn. He gets along great with Jesse, they are like old high school buds when they get together. My kids love him so he's a favorite around here.

I haven't seen him in almost five months. I think that dream was kind of a sign of that, how he was trying so hard to be helpful. I woke up thinking just how much like him he was in the dream and it made me miss him.

I think I'll get in touch with him and see how he's been feeling.

Beautiful night.