I can't really figure out what's making me feel so down. I just keep asking myself what happened to the life in me. I was writing down all the inspiration in my past, the things that got me all worked up and excited and when I look at it now, or have an experience similar, it doesn't do much for me. Maybe I'm stuck in a stage where I don't know what I want of myself because I'm scared of what I may be capable of achieving. I know it's not that I have run out of ideas because I have plenty, a little too many ideas if you really want to know.

Being an artist is all I am, it's all I want to be and it's the only thing that makes me happy. I'm building my portfolio immensly and I'm doubting I'll be well liked, that what I have to offer will get no response. I do a great deal of very diffent stuff, if you look through the different mediums, you would not recognize them being by the same person. I know it's ridiculous to fear what others think of my work. I never really cared actually, yet now I am sensitive about my creations.

Maybe it's just me. I feel like I am in this forever changing state of being and I need to wake up in order to feel I accomplished something.

Anyway.

I miss Liz. We talked last week and were supposed to get together but I didn't get back to her. I should get onto that ASAP. I also need to get back into Meihua, it's been over two months now. I'm just not with it lately.