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I miss her already
1:32 p.m. Oct. 24, 2003
The current mood of burntautumn@accesscomm.ca at www.imood.com


Hearing: Cocteau Twins - Treasure

I've been so busy lately, that and my daughter left for a weekend trip with my mom today, so I was spending as much time with her as possible because I know I'm going to miss her so much while she's gone. The first time we were apart I was an emotional wreck. I had to leave her at my mom's which was four hours away. I was 5.5 months pregnant and we were moving so my mom thought it would be a good idea if she kept Ailah for a few days. I cried all the way home practically.

The second time she was away was when my son was born. My mom decided to take her again while I was in the hospital since Jesse was working. When I got home it was so empty and we had to keep her bedroom door shut until she came home the next day because it was just so sad seeing her bedroom so empty. How sappy huh, you would think she died or something. I haven't been away from my son for more than a day. He's been gone for about 7 hours and it was really wierd, the last two hours I was waiting at the window, watching to see their little faces.

Before bed, I always tell Jesse that I miss them because I do. Having kids really has a strange impact on a person, your glowing with happiness, yet filled with worry all the time.

Anyway, I still haven't gotten the website up and running yet. We're still working on it. I decided on going with a simple design, using my new name. Screw the numerology, I dreamt I had this name so this is what it's going to be. I decided on the simpler design because only so much will be on display, when all the merchandise is completed then I think I'll make it very cool.

I was having so many wierd dreams last night and I wish I could remember them. I know in one I was being a cheap bastard, the other one had something to do with Jesse getting a huge raise at work. There were people in it, but the faces weren't clear.

The weather outside is cold and windy, it's horrible. I want to stay inside but I have Meihua, which I'm not quite sure if I'm going yet or not.

I would really like to have a day/night all to myself to do nothing, lay in a silent darkness and curl up with myself, my own peacefulness and roaming imagination.

I like to do this when I'm depressed, I like to do this when I'm happy and I do it just to sort of refuel. It's not like napping or sleeping, it's like sticking a piece of stone in the earth or letting it run in a stream of water, it just charges itself and that's how I charge myself.

Anyway, I need to shower and get back to work.





I am living in a world that is asleep - Jul. 17, 2007
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Small update, very small. - Nov. 21, 2005
Hurry up and eat some of this - Aug. 31, 2005
- - Aug. 18, 2005