Hearing: Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine

Today was mommy day. I had a great weekend with all my family but today was the only day that I would be with my kids and only my kids. I have my nephew for the rest of the week so it's going to get a little busier than normal for me. I did everything they wanted to do, played endless tickle and learning games and what not. It was fun. My children really make me so happy.

I am glad that I decided to take on the mother role at a young age, it was one of those things I knew I had to do. I know a lot of people my age who don't have kids, it does sort of build a barrier sometimes and I really don't mind. Since I became mother I don't have much friends left and I'm perfectly fine by that because what time I do have for a social life I want more meaning to it. My priorities are for my kids and that brings me the greatest happiness and it's fun yet a struggle. I really don't even think of what I could be missing out on. It's the alone time I do miss though and I can attain that so it's not a problem often.

I'm also really glad that I didn't turn into one of those mommies that actually dresses like a mommy. That would be the day when if I ever did though.

I also really want to get things sorted out with Jesse. I've been told to maybe try fall in love all over again. That would be nice and it's greatly needed. I've been so busy and stressed out about my own things in life and so has he, he's busy at work, busy with programs, plus we're so different with our interests, he's logical and i'm an artist, it just seems we're not on the same page when we're trying to discuss interests. We do our jobs, then we need so much time for our projects and it's really affecting our relationship. I mean we were basically on a break and I almost ended it completely just to break another tie that would link me to more of a workload.

He is the person I love, I need him, I need what ever he has to give and I need to give him whatever I have to give, it's the only real positive thing we can try have that will keep us sane. In any mess in my own head and life, he is always my support, my friend. We may be to damn busy to even have sex sometimes but that's ok, sometimes in our lives all we need is that support. I really wasn't missing the intimacy, which is good seeing as in the past two month, we were having sex an average of maybe four times a month. Sad isn't it?

We really need to give birth to this relationship all over again because I truely don't want to give up on it yet.