Scatch the last entry. We went to see Strapping Young Lad and well, we got ripped off. The sound was crapped out so they didn't even play. We showed up, got to hear maybe a minute long intro from The Devin Townsend Band, then everything crapped out again, then the drummer came out for a drum solo without sound and all that costed me $13, which isn't much, but still too much for not getting to see anything. I'm kind of pissed off about that. I had my ticket for two months, waiting to see SYL.

Anyway, we dropped off a friend then just came home. I think we're just going to order pizza and watch a movie then probably go to bed. We're both very disappointed.

I haven't heard any news from my cousins death. No one is calling me. I kind of want to know exactly what happened. It really broke my heart when I first heard the news. My dad told me and I was really shocked. He let me go right away and I felt instant sickness like I had to throw up. I wanted to faint, I just didn't know how to react. I called Jesse at work because I wanted him to come home and as soon as I started talking to him I started balling my head off. I let him go and cried for a while, I probably cried hard for 20 minutes, then I felt okay. I just had to get it out of me.

On my dad's side of the family we have lost a lot of cousins the same age as me, cousins I was around quite a bit, yet I didn't cry when they died. I did this time around, it's like something familiar felt crushed and scrambled up. I thought differently about this particular cousin, even though we haven't spoken in four years. I just felt like maybe I need to know why he did it, something inside of me really wants to know.

I don't want to think about this anymore.

Beautiful night.