Now that i've finished all 13 paintings I find I don't know what to do with myself so I'm going to just take time for writing. I wrote all night while drinking way too much coke. I went to bed with a tummy ache.

I got a call from my dad this morning. My cousin shot and killed himself. This is the second cousin that did this, two suicides within two years and they were both brothers. It's sad, I actually cried. I never cry when someone dies, but when it's suicide, it's just not the same. I have a real respect for death and I believe when people pass on they are meant to, but suicide, I just don't think it's right. I know I sometimes feel I could kill myself, but I don't actually think that I would do it. I have too much to live for right now and I will fight to keep it. I will fight to keep everything that makes life sweet. Speaking of sweet...

I think i'll live off of gummy bears today.

The Strapping Young Lad show is tonight as well. I'm excited about that. I've had my tickets for a while now. After the show Jesse and I are going to go out to eat and complain about the ringing in our ears.