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Soul searching is so intruiging 1:53 p.m. Oct. 02, 2003
I went to Meihua last night and about halfway through the class I got sick and had to sit out for the rest of the physical activities. I was fevered, nausiated and chilly. After the physical stuff was through, we all got comfy and had a meditation cirle and talked. I could barely concentrate on meditating. Near the end of it I did finally focus better and I felt better. I have a lot of episodes like that, where wierd physical things happen that make me ill. I seriously and obviously need balance. I feel that I have a lot of releasing to do, more than I can imagine yet. I want to scream, I have this urge to yell my fucking head off. When I can't get the words out, I am left trying not to cry. I felt like crying last night, I wanted to scream, but obviously couldn't, then I felt off balanced and my body was buzzing, I wanted to release something, but decided instead to just clear my head and it worked. It took a while, but it worked and by the end of the class I felt great. Kai's mom is going to teach me some form of meditation that sounds interesting. I can't wait for that. I am almost finished my painting last night. I was up until 2am before I finally decided to get to bed. I did something a little different this time, the colors are so vibrant, contrasting, yet serene. Jesse was staring at it while I worked on it, he said it was hypnotizing. I guess that's a good thing. The one thing that I know I want to attain from these pieces are the images, everything is detailed and line plays a big part into it, connecting it, yet seperating it. The color also helps that seperation. I feel they are busy, yet have a calming feel since that's what mood I transform into almost instantly when I'm working on them. My dad wanted to know what paintings I sent in for the contest because he's going to a veiwing of all the art on display. It just happened to be in the city he lives in. I forgot about all that until he brought it up.
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