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| Finally get to finish this entry 2:26 p.m. Aug. 26, 2003
Hearing: Strapping Young Lad I'm tired. I was up all night, wired from drinking coke all night. I laid in bed talking a mile a minute to a sleeping Jesse. I knew he wasn't actually paying attention to me, but I didn't care. He would occasionally mutter a small noise, which I thought was kind of cute so I kissed his cold nose and tried to shut up. It didn't work well so I started getting up and doing odd things and then going back to bed. I really hate when I have nights like that. I once laid in bed for five hours and watched the sun rise from my bedroom window. I felt so crappy the next day of course. I don't mind it when I'm having trouble sleeping on the weekend because Jesse lets me sleep in but during the week it really makes me suffer.
I still can't believe that I'm buying a really expensive vacuum.
I'll feel like a housewife or something owning one of those. I'm really not wife-like at all. When I first decided that I was going to work out of home so I can be with the kids I imagined myself in an apron baking cookies all day, not because I wanted to be just like that but because I thought that is what I was going to turn into. Of course I didn't and I won't ever.
When I drive around our nice quiet little neighborhood in our SUV I always have something loud and freaky blaring out of the stereo and I'll probably keep it this way for years to come.
So today is a day of no cares. I'm too tired to give a shit about anything at all. I don't feel like talking to anyone really. I just want to be alone.
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