I am so freakin tired. I was up really late cleaning up, then as I was going to bed my daughter decided she wants to get up. So I was up fighting to get her back to bed until close to 6am. I slept for a few hours anyway, but could really use a nap right about now. Maybe I will have one when Jesse gets home from work.

I heard some new news from my brother's health situation. He's doing worse. His fiancee had to call an ambulance last night because he was throwing up and he wasn't able to open his mouth at all. He's not back in the ICU with another tube in his throat again. He's had another surgery. My mom rushed back today and she's not doing too good about this. She is so scared, as am I, but I can't do anything because I have my kids with me. I can sit here and keep positive thoughts and prayers. I'm scared for my brother.

I really wish I could see him, he was supposed to come here this weekend to look for jobs and find a place. Everything is just going so wrong.

I just keep wondering why this is happening. I just think everything happens for a reason so I am left sitting her totally at loss for words. I can't console anybody and I can't even bring out any emotions. I just feel scared.

Anyway. I am glad I had a good weekend. I had fun and spent a lot of time just conversing with Jesse. We talked about all kinds of things, especially the whole marriage thing and my fears about commitment. We even ended up talking about funny kissing stories of our past, bad relationships and the relationships we learned the most from.

We also got on the subject about his dad's ex-wife. His latest ex-wife that is. Anyway, the woman is only a few years older than Jesse, from Germany and really strange. Jesse's dad owns one of those houses that have different apartments above it and we lived in one of them for a year. The whole time, his stepmom was a bitch to me, giving me dirty looks and acting fake nice to me when Jesse was around. Jesse and his sister were convinced she liked Jesse because she would make up excuses to touch Jesse, hell I was convinced because the woman didn't hide it very well. Even when we told her about how we were expecting our first baby, she rudely said she heard already and looked really pissed off. I used to get a kick out of this all the time. Jesse found it amusing too. I can't remember how we got on the subject, but it's always funny to talk about.

Anyway, Jesse's home now, so I gotta run.