Deadboy and the Elephantmen - Graves Beyond Windows/Scarling - Make You Believe

Here is a real update for today. I finally have time to write. I spent any free time I had today painting a painting that i've been working on for almost a year now and it's still not close to being done, I know it'll be a favorite, a keeper. I also wrote a few pages of some fabulous fiction, dark and thought provoking. I also read some gothic literature, to keep my creative juices flowing. I still can't find my beloved CD and I'm sad, it's the only CD in the entire house that is missing. I wanna cry.

I can't stop thinking about what the radiologist said about Gian's left kidney still being dialated. I'm so worried and I hope it's not as bad as it seems. It has been like that since birth, and it did cause him problems at only a month old and I don't want him to have to go through that again, if it's bad enough, surgery is his only option. I'll find out all the rest Thursday and until then, i'm trying to keep positive and hope for the best. He's just so small, beautiful and amazing. I feel connected to him more than anyone else in my life, like we once we close in a past life, plus he's a taurus, just like me.

I did not get much sleep at all, I was up all night talking about the situation with Jesse, on how I wanted to be alone for a while, do some soul searching and live my own adventure for a while. He then told me to have safe sex. I just laughed, he thinks this is an excuse to fulfill my sexual needs, which is not what this is about at all. He finally got that we can still be friends, since this is just a break, plus we can have sex if we want, there just won't be any emotional attatchment for awhile. I think he got the wrong impression because i've been getting these small crushes and obsessing about people and their beautiful features, basically coming off like i'm on a big horny rampage.

I know this, Jesse will always be my favorite sexual craving and probably my only one because he's just so good at what he does, he just blows me away, plus he's just so perty to look at.

My mom also found a place, she's been staying with me for most of this month, but only for a few days at a time. My younger brother is going to be moving in and going to school. He's 19 and so confused about life, even more confused than I ever was. It's weird, my bother, sister and mom all moved to different cities for the summer and now they're all back again, at the same time. Odd.