Here is my entry from last night, but I lost my connection to the interent and saved it until it finally worked again. One quick update. Gian had his ultrasound today and his left kidney is still dialated, which is not good. They're going to compare tests to see if it's slowly healing or getting worse. I don't know what's going to happen, i'll find out more when he sees his pediatrician and I know he'll most likely need more tests done. This scares me.

Deadboy and The Elephantmen - Graves Beyond Windows

I lost my Agents of Oblivion Cd and i'm pissed beyong belief. The only place left that it could be is in my sisters possession, since she usually takes things without asking, that's the only thought I have about it right now since we spent the entire night searching the entire house with no luck of any kind, so now i'm going to ask her if she by any chance took it.

Anyway, I went to Chapters tonight and bought a book, then picked up some food with my sister. We listened to Acid Bath the whole time, see, that's how far my obssession has gone, I am listening to anything with Dax Riggs, I just can't get enough of his perty hypnotic voice.

I felt really shitty after I got home though, I was tired, aching and feeling chilly, so I spent a few hours lying in bed and reading various books. I read the beginning of WHITE AS SNOW by Tanith Lee, and Violet and Claire by Francesca Lia Block, then I wrote a few pages in my black leather book. I still have an urge to write out some dark erotic fictions. I had the urge to paint tonight, but that wasn't going to happen. Tomorrow maybe.

I told Jesse I may need quite a bit of time apart from him so I can go on adventures alone. I feel like I need some ME time, to be alone and find myself some more. I'm only 22, I've been serious with Jesse for 4 years now and it's about time for another break for us.

I was also thinking about his job situation. He is currently unemployed now, waiting to hear back from a large company that seems to want him. If he doesn't get it, we plan to make a big move to a city 8 hours away from where we live now. There is way more opportunity there, but i'll be so far away from my mother and sister. There two people I can't be away from for very long. I would miss them more than anyone else and I don't know if I can be that far from them.

I don't know what to do, I mean I want to move, I hate this city. I just have to sacrafice being far away to the two people who are the closest to me, especially my mom, she is so helpful. It's a hard decision to make because of it. I don't even want to think about it right now.

I need to go lay in bed and think and dream, maybe even write a bit. Gian's ultrasound is tomorrow. Jesse is going to take him, I would go, but I really don't feel like going out. He has another appointment with his pediatrician this week and i'll be going to that, after that I think i'm taking off to Edmonton for a week, for the Slayer/Soulfly/Inflames concert i've been yapping about for over a month now.

Anyway, i'm off to dream, beautiful night.