Listening to: Cradle of Filth - Thirteen Autumns and a Widow

My cold is getting worse. It hurts to breathe and I have this annoying painful cough to go along with my runny nose. I felt like shit today. I had a nap and just layed in bed for a while. I missed my mom when she got back in, she just peeked in my room and told me to get as much rest as I could, then went to bed early.

Jesse's youngest sister Starla was over again tonight. He only gets to see her like twice a year since her dad got custody of her a few years ago.

I also went out this afternoon and bought a pregnancy test. I'm a week late and I panicked. I've been in a nervous state everyday, so I decided to put my mind at ease. Of course i'm not pregnant...but i'm more careful now that I have two beautiful kids on my hands. I would just love to have a large family because I love children. I just absolutely cannot fucking stand being pregnant. I hate it more than you could ever imagine, I hate it so much, that I would much rather adopt. I was prepared though...just in case...I even went as far as to pick out the names. I guess you could say that I just got used to being pregnant for the past two years. We're just waiting for Jesse's surgery now to get him snipped.

I swallowed an ice cube just a little while ago. It felt so wierd, like a cold wind was going through my chest. I've done this before and drank some hot water...and it worked! I have a bad habit of choking on things...gaining a fear of swallowing odd things, like pills for example. I don't take them not matter what. I managed to chew a few tylenol after giving birth to Ailah and Gian, but that was about it. That's one of my oddest fears...no one can relate.

Jesse and I are back on good terms...I was so pissed last night. I threw all his clothes in the hallway and went to bed. It's funny, there was a big pile of black clothing just sitting outside my door. Don't ask me why I did it, I mean making him sleep on the couch should have been enough right. I woke up to him digging through that pile for some work clothes this morning and I was trying so hard not to laugh.

We're patiently waiting to hear back from the job that he was interviewed for. We should find out for sure tomorrow, unless they need more time, then we will know by Wednesday. I hope he gets it, he thinks he should for sure and if he's that sure, I guess I should be too.

I'm listening to screams and moans right now on my headphones. My mom is staying in our spare room and if I actually play this album on speakers, she will say something, or turn it right off. She doesn't mind when I play Type O Negative or My Ruin on low volume, but my black metal she does...a lot.

So i'm very happy our birth control is working....VERY VERY HAPPY! I'm also happy Jesse and I aren't at eachother's throats anymore. Now all I need is this stupid cold to go away.