Tori Amos - Heart of Gold

I've been listening to nothing but Tori Amos since last night. I own all her albums and they have been playing non stop and I plan to keep it going like this for the rest of the day.

It all started out when I was blasting Funker Vogt in my room, I realized I listen to so much industrail lately and not enough of the music I started out listening to when I was so very young.

I spent my night writing in my black leather book(my diary).

"She was so deeply hurt in many different ways. I can feel her pain, her suffering. I was once there and I know why she's angry, confused and losing all her cares...

I want to cry for her. I want to wrap her aching heart in my arms like a ray of glowing light to soften the darkness she feels right now...

I hate to see the people I love the most suffer. I feel so hopeless, like there is nothing in my capability that I can do. I keep my thoughts and quiet prayers for her. I keep my heart open and fair. I do not judge...

I miss her so much, it's hard to think about how I can't see her. I want to pretend life is just fine, as it was when we were children, pure and unpoisoned by the own will of having choices in this crazy world...

But I know that this is how the world works, and I will never stoping loveing and keeping my mind open. Fair. To accept and love without judging is pure and effective..."

(Tori Amos - Josephine)

I fucking miss her so much. Everytime I think about her, her eyes, her voice, I just want to break down and cry. I cannot stand seeing someone so hurt, so self destructive because they see no other way. She's not like this because she's bored, she wants something she is not telling. I wish she would just tell me everything. I know more than she thinks and I am only full of understanding.

I plan on emailing her in hopes that she will get it sometime soon....I want her to know that she is loved beyond belief.

There is the folk fest this weekend. My sister says that there is supposed to be a band that sounds like Portishead. If so, i'll go.

Anyway, I gotta go get ready. My mom and younger brother are coming into the city tonight with the table. Yay.