CURRENT | PREVIOUS | ARCHIVES | PROFILE | WEBSITE | GUESTS | NOTES | E-MAIL | DIARYLAND


I want mystery, I want the unusual, the beautiful and the artistic.
3:44 a.m. Aug. 10, 2002
The current mood of burntautumn@accesscomm.ca at www.imood.com


Emperor - The loss and curse of reverence

Okay so I sit here and hate. I hate him mainly. I want to break free and express all that is within me. I want to live a life where I can openly express all that is within me.

I sit here an listen to my favorite black metal band of all time, Emperor, and think on how I want to live my life a cetian way.

I want to be so carefree. I want to live like it's my life and nothing to be shared. It's really hard to be in a relationship I tell you...I want nothing but the most interesting people and interesting exeperiences around me. I want to experience everything that entices me.

I played pool tonight with Jesse, his sister and my best friend. I did not want to go home with Jesse. I wanted to be how I used to by staying out all night and having the most fun being single. I really do miss it and there are so many moments in my life that I just want to be single, I honestly don't believe that I was mean to have a soulmate, or that I was meant to be with anyone for a long period of time at all. I love being me and I love living for just me.

Is it wrong to thing this way or is it just telling me more about myself, like I am not exactly ready to be in a relationship. I know that I am not normal and I need to live my life a certian way. I need to be so different, because when I try to be normal and fit into societies ways, I lose myself and I don't ever feel right. I really wish someone would help me to get away form here, or that I could go somewhere where I could be happy for once. I love my life to a certian extent, but there is so much more that I really need, there is just so much to my soul to just life such a simple life as this. It really drives me mad.

I don't care what others think about me. I know that I will never fit in anyone's standards. I am so different, so unlike anyone. I want mystery, I want the unusual, the beautiful and the artistic.

What am I supposed to do with myself when I have such cravings such as these? I don't feel as though I will never know. I can only wish. I hate this. Someone steal me...someone entice me....I want to have some kind of fun, some kind of experience I can look back on and think of as one of my most favorite times and that i'll never ever forget it because it holds so much to what I believe in.

Anyway, beautiful night.



I am living in a world that is asleep - Jul. 17, 2007
- - May. 07, 2006
Small update, very small. - Nov. 21, 2005
Hurry up and eat some of this - Aug. 31, 2005
- - Aug. 18, 2005