Ephel Dauth - "Phormula"

My mom and sister left today. I won't see them for another two weeks. My older brother's birthday is Friday. Jessica bought him a present for both of us, something he can use while he works on his next album.

I went to the Flatlands Festival last night with my Jessica and Lorena, just for something to do. We also picked up some beer and red wine for later. I didn't drink at all, I ate watermelon all night and checked out all the extra features on one of my dvd's. I didn't get to bed until around 5am. I must get Gian's hours switched around.

We also decided to call Gian by his middle name instead. It is just easier for everyone. It's a little strange to pronounce for people and it's pissing me off how everyone says it all wierd. He has the option whenever he's old enough to understand that he can go back to his old name. I love Gian as a name, and I do intend to go back and call him it.

Jesse just bbq'ed some burgers and I still havn't gotten to making the salad yet. Mmmm..I love when Jesse barbeques.

I have been having some really strange dreams lately. Hauntings and just wierd fear-related stuff. I even had one dream that through the whole thing all I did was smoke. I don't smoke anymore, so I don't know what that could mean. Sometimes I don't get dreams and I hate the wierd feelings they leave me with after I wake up from having them. I write them all down anyway, to make sure i'll never forget.

I hate to forget anything. My life, every moment that I have spent it, with my eyes open or closed, means something to me. I CANNOT forget. I like to document things. I want to leave a piece of me with my kids, or just to leave behind in a book.

It drives me crazy that Jesse has such a bad memory. I hate when he forgets some of our most precious moments, I almost feel betrayed, like i'm walking through a relationship alone. I can't explain how it effects me. It shouldn't, but it does and I think it always will. I've even expressed hate towards him for doing so because it hurts in such a strange and almost stupid way.

Anyway, I should go, Jesse keeps flashing strange looks at me with his sexy green eyes. God I love his eyes.