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| no love, no fairy tales 3:48 p.m. Jun. 18, 2002
Sometimes I don't really know what I want. Then in a split second I know exactly what I want, and it more or less stays the same, yet there are things that change. I really need some kind of change that I myself can control. I need to feel in control, even if it is just for a day, although I would like it to last forever. His answers aren't enough. His vague words just seem to piss me off. Why should I continue to be faithful, dedicated and in love? Why can't I find some sort of happiness at all times, why should I have to wait and work on his schedule? I really don't think I am made to be in a serious relationship, no matter how I am made to feel or how strong and drawn to the person I am, because interests and my own beliefs in human experience will never get along with having to compramise with another. Compramises that are always at war, giving my life a disturbance I can control and get rid of. Being in love is not all that it's cut out to be, unless you will do anything to live that fairy tale life, which i'm not, I want to create my own reality and love is at the bottom of my list. |
