Snake River Conspiracy - Lovesong

I am in the most fucked up angry mood today. I woke up feeling alright. I went to my appointment, discussed birth control and realized I don't have much choice for anything. My blood clots easily and I have problems with my gallbladder, so most of the more successfull forms of birth control are out of the question. I have birth control pills of course, but I just havn't used them yet. So i'm still using condoms until Jesse gets 'fixed'.

I am really getting frustrated with my gallbladder. I have several small stones in it and they constantly give me problems. Today, for instance, I feel this burning pain in my side, like a sick furious ball of fire causing great discomfort and uneasiness. I'm stubborn and I honestly feel I can heal this on my own. Although being stubborn, i'm not doing to well at it. I can book my surgery at any time...but I keep waiting and stalling, because i'm determined to fix myself. If you can make yourself sick, even if you don't realize it, you can also make yourself better..as long as you realize it.

I think overall, i'm just in a bad mood, and feeling like shit doesn't help at all. I just want to relax and be still so my side stops burning inside. I can't though, I have quite a bit to get done today.

Feeling sick like this really makes me feel unusually sad. I don't know, but it makes me more irritable because of being so frustrated and I don't get much time to rest. I'm busy with a baby and a toddler and it flares up at the worst possible times, when i'm doing too much or putting any kind of stress on my body. I let it get to me easily. I feel it's because it never goes away, I get too absorbed in it, leaving it to effect my emotions.