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red wine
4:57 p.m. Jun. 09, 2002
The current mood of burntautumn@accesscomm.ca at www.imood.com


Katatonia - Discouraged Ones

Today is so cloudy out the odd little rain here and there. I just got home from doing some shopping. I picked up some yogurt and fruit. I also bought some coconut cookies. I normally don't like coconut much, but today I just crave that flavor. Jesse just looked at me when I told him that, and said "uh oh", then I told him to shut up, yet not mean like at all, it was a playful warning.

We got into another fight last night and we both stayed mad until late...then he started bringing up things I didn't want to talk about. I started crying and switched to the end of the bed, like at the moment I thought it would actually help me avoid him. He switched too and just held me and we talked things out. We're acting so stupid, all we do is fight and say hateful things to one another. It's got to stop because I don't want anyone else. I am flirty..but that's it..I honestly hate dating and being in dumb relationship and he is and always will be more than anything else. I don't know why i'm so irritable, I wish there was a switch I could use to just turn it off.

I'm also happy. After I had Gian, I was almost 20lbs heavier and I lost half of that already, I still have some obvious stretch marks, but I can deal with those. It won't be long before i'm back to my normal weight.

When the time is right, i'm going to start training again for kickboxing. I used to have instructors, and my dad, since he was a boxer too. He's not here though, so Jesse is going to help me. Maybe he'll be interested enough to get into it too, even if it's just for excercise. He has a friend who boxes and I know he was going to start going to the club he goes to and get started because he is interested. I would love it if Jesse started boxing, it would be kind of a turn on to see a sexy goth guy sparring it out with someone.

I used to have a crush on one of my instructors. I remember this one time we were practicing and he accidently punched me in the boob and he was so embarassed. His face turned bright red and I could not stop laughing at him, everyone was cracking up at that. I guess it would be pretty embarassing for a guy.

I just talked to my sister Jessica on MSN, she's going to come back to the city on the upcoming weekend. She's gone all summer for her summer job and won't be back until University starts this fall. Her job is pretty busy and she rarely gets time to come back on the weekends since she's working in another city, actually she's working with my mom. I miss her so much. We're pretty close and we get along as long as we don't live together. She promised to take me shopping, her treat, when she comes on the weekend. Hopefully we'll finally get to go for some sushi. We were planning on doing that before she left, but never got around to it. Jesse's still never been to a restaraunt where they cook everything in front of you, so maybe i'll take him along.

I'm craving the taste of red wine right now. I want some. Maybe i'll get some. I like any alcohol I drink to be dry. It's better that way.



I am living in a world that is asleep - Jul. 17, 2007
- - May. 07, 2006
Small update, very small. - Nov. 21, 2005
Hurry up and eat some of this - Aug. 31, 2005
- - Aug. 18, 2005