Dimmu Borgir - Spiritual Black Dimensions

I just finished breakfast. It's past lunch. I got to sleep in yet I still feel tired. I awoke squished by Jesse, I think he was laying on my arm, it was numb and sore and he was pressed up right behind me. My room smells so beautiful too, I inhaled the scent of lilacs as I was waking, and to the sound of Ailah singing. Jesse and Ailah picked me the lilacs yesterday and now they're beside my bed. I love lilacs.

Today was lucky, we all got to sleep in.

I think my dad lives in his own little world that no one is ever going to understand. He called me yesterday because he pays for my car registration. It was a deal we made since he bought me a new car last summer. Anyway, when he called he was going on and on about my sister being a hateful little bitch. He said he woudln't be able to come because she is acting up and won't come along, plus if he leaves her alone, she will most likely throw a party or get into trouble. Then he went on about taking away her use of his vehicles, money and cell phones. Then he said he would call me right back and let me know he was coming. He didn't call back.

Instead, hours later, my sister called me, in a great mood, with his track, cell phone and cashed up. I didn't get what was going on. I asked if they were still coming here. She had no clue on what I was talking about. So I think my dad was making stuff up, for what reason, I havn't the slightest clue, but he is starting to worry me. I emailed him yesterday just wondering his weekend plans, then he emailed me back saying they were to come here, then the rest of the email was about his fights with Julia. I can only think up one reason he might make all that stuff up. He thinks I want him to come here really badly, and he doesn't want to say "not this weekend". I don't even care, I just sent him an email like I normally do and it just happened to be near the weekend so it seemed like a question to ask. He just confuses me.

I got the alter out yesterday. I started working on some healings. I wrote out what I could and that was about all I got done. I'm going to work with the third chakra with my yellow and gold stones. Jesse wants to help and I think i'll get him to give me a reading with his hematite rune stones. I havn't had a reading in ages because I don't really give myself them anymore. My mom used to give them, but she's so busy now. It feels strange when I use or just sit with a deck of cards. I have a box full of tarot decks. Many styles and none really near being the same. I just like using them on myself and learning them.

I love learning, learning everything I can. Everything except math related things. I like research, I like history, I like archeology, the mystics, psychology and much more. It kills me that I can be in school right now. I don't regret having children, but I do miss taking interesting classes. I'm just waiting for the perfect time when I can get back in and take some random classes, since I don't really know what I want to do yet. I just want the classes so I can have more knowledge on the things I do that interest me. I'm sure something will fall into place for me that way.

Jesse was so much more lucky. He knew what he wanted to do when he was young. He graduated high school, did some university and graduated from some computer college and now he works in his field he was educated and trained in. Sometimes I wish I could have made up my mind, yet one topic doesn't interest me, many do...and I can't pick anything specific. So yeah, I am still waiting it out while i'm at this busy stage of parenting.