Nine Inch Nails - Broken

I finally got the kids to down for their naps..well Gian naps whenever the hell he likes since he's only 6 weeks old, but Ailah needs her two hours a day, or she's the most miserable mean little girl by the evening. She just slept in late, so that's why she's napping so late.

My dad and youngest sister Julia may be coming down for the weekend...they're fighting right now and my dad will only come if she's coming because he doesn't trust her to be alone. She's 17, spoiled rotten and very irresponsible. I say my dad should just leave her for the two days without money or a vehicle, she can't get into much trouble that way. Yeah, she'll be pissed, throw a fit, most likely trash her room and threaten to kill herself, but she'll get over it, she always does.

In two weeks i'm going out of the city. My mom booked some suites for the weekend and now i'm just hoping it will be beautiful out when we're gone. I'm just glad she got some decent rooms for us to stay in, you know the kind with bedrooms, kitchen, living room, etc. I hate rooms with a bedroom and bathroom only, it feels so cramped. I think all my family on my mom's side is going to be there..her mother and sisters and their kids...I like the adults, but their kids..ugh, I'm keeping my room locked and that's where i'll be hiding out when they're around. In any case, it will be nice to get out of this stupid city for three days.

Today is a get along day for Jesse and I. I'm not sure what the fuck is with us, I just plain hate him at times and I know he hates me. Then we're fine, as normal people should be. I know when having kids, there is a period of baby blues, but I don't have that, what I do have is extreme irritability to people. I hate everyone within only a matter of mintues at times. I am hard on him, yet he totally deserves it sometimes...we want to work with rituals to just find a peace..ritual to us is an art. I grew up in a family that practiced it(that's where we're going in two weeks) and I constantly need to pull myself back into it because I get lost in a false reality.

So we're setting up our alter for two and we're going to cleanse and program our tools...then all we need to do, is find the time. We're being too disfunctional right now. It's not healthy for either of us, especially the kids, even if they don't witness it, they can feel out tension. I have perfect memories of the same thing as a kid, I was smart enough to know and even spy on my parents to know what whas going on...I knew everything, even at a very young age.

I'm going to be doing an art piece this weekend. A strange thing I thought up that I don't normally do. I'm starting off with my big Tori Amos poster, then i'm going to be adding things onto it...it's hard to explain but I have the idea in my head. I also sat with Ailah in her room...I'm STILL working on it. I can't do too much though, she's at that age where everything is a toy..I have a beautiful collection of porcelian dolls that are sitting in her closet..I have a lenore doll she can't even touch yet..lots of things like that. While we were in there, she was pulling everything out of her endtable drawers by her bed, so I didn't even consider letting her have any of those things yet.