Life is beautiful, yet sometimes I find it so scary, so overwhelming. I was out walking tonight and everything felt right. The world is always the most unique it seems when everyone and everything is sound asleep. I loved everything, then all of a sudden I felt so small, so fragile and alone. I felt scared and just needed to take a deep breath and shut out all those thoughts. Yes, I am small and so fragile in this world, yet there is no need to become worried or feel like it's so significant. I don't know what came over me...maybe this past week I have been enjoying the seclusion I have been living in.

I was walking with Jesse and we talked about how we used to walk around in grave yards and just be together. He was the first boyfriend that I really did that with. We would sit around and enjoy the solitary quietness. He just gets me sometimes. I took another boyfriend with me to a cemetary once and it just wasn't the same. He wasn't really into why I wanted to go there, like it just had to be about morbid obsession, which is wasn't. I just enjoy how it's deserted and you can look up and really see the night sky and be able to talk with someone. Yes. Jesse just gets me. It's been four years since we did anything like that.

We spent so much time outdoors at night the first year we were together. We walked in parks, sat in strange empty areas and just talked to each other. It was great. Really really great.

He bought a new desk today. I get his old one so now my art area will be better. I sold my old desk to my sister and kind of regretted it because I didn't have a desk for a while. I was using the old table I refinished but wasn't really comfortable with doing so since it's so old and nice. I grew up with that table. I didnt' want to wreck it and get paint and crap all over it.

Anyway, it's getting cold in here and I have to pee now.