Drain s.t.h. - Wish

I got my pictures developed and there are so many cute ones of the kids. There are a few of me, which Jesse thinks I look like Amelie in them. I don't like them. I look wierd. I like the ones of Jesse and Jessica though. Maybe i'll post Jesse's. I did a shitty job at taking the picture though because the top of his head by the hairline is cut off.

I did more talking with Jesse about how I always long for a way to express my desires. He is not really liking how bad it's getting that I seem to always want things and people. I can't help it though. I live in my head, I want to play out my dreams, I want to fall in love many different ways. I'm confused and I don't know what to do. None of this changes the way I feel about him, but I can't shake this wanting. It's like keeping a child without giving them attention, they begin to find ways to take and release what's in them. This is how I feel now. This is why it's becoming a struggle with me. I havn't felt so torn in a long time, since I was 16/17.

I don't know what to do, Jesse can't help me much with this, so i'm just going to wait it out and see what happens and dreaming non-stop about what if's with HER or HIM.

Oh well.

My dad's birthday is tomorrow. I bought him a cake and a card, no present though, he didn't want one. I also bought myself a couple of pairs of knee high socks to wear with my boots. I need some new boots. I really could use at least $1000 to go shoe shopping.

I want to head to bed now and listen to Dax's voice as I fall asleep. Oh god, sex and his voice is an amazing combination.