Silverchair

I feel so tired, so very very tired. I got around 9 hours sleep, but i'm still feeling like my body is a heavy chunk of stone.

My weekend was fun and busy, without much sleep. It was spiritual, hot and with a slight mix of thunderstorms. Beautiful. Gian got his spirit name and had a healing done, both my parents were there, my younger sister and brother, my aunt and my grandmother. After it was over, we came home and brought my youngest sister Julia back with us.

I'm also working at lightening my hair. It's and odd colour...very light brown, a dirty blond. I know I was going to get some purple put it, and I still plan to, but now I don't know how i'm going to do it exactly, you know, like which strands to colour so it looks okay. I like my hair how it is right now, maybe i'll just put a little more highlights in it and leave it for a while.

I like the new Vanilla Coke, it tastes like a float. Yum.

Liz came over last night. I havn't seen her for ever it feels, since just before I had Gian. She dumped her boyfriend for good I think, we talked a bit about it on the phone before she came over. She seems like she needed to get away from him. We're kind of in the same boat, we're both 22, with two kids, although she doesn't get much help from him, and Jesse helps me so much. At least she has her parents, from what my mother tells me about her own stories and having all 5 of me and my siblings by 24, without much help, it sounds like it was so hard. I have so much respect for my mother.

Jesse finally bought the My Dying Bride DVD and he's loving it. His all time favorite band. When we first got together and were planning on marrying on Hallowe'en, he wanted My Dying Bride to be our wedding music. Of course I cancelled that because i'm not sure about marriage. I feel like a cold bitch at times, like an untouchable, yet demanding person compared to him. I don't get us at times. He's so affectionate, yet so silent. I'm very verbal, and I like my space. He thinks I push him away too much and I think he should talk more. I don't know how to make a compramise with this situation, but he did agree to write more, if I make more moments to just touch and be near him, so it's a slow start.

We did talk more about marriage tonight. He, of course, still wants it to happen. He said it was a rule for the guy to pay %10 of his pay or something and that is well over $5000, too much I think. It's just a ring and a wedding is nothing special to me either, being together is all that matters..I don't have to prove myself to anyone.

I also developed a roll of film from 3 years ago. I was always scared to get it done, because I had a few rolls and on one of them Jesse took some bad pictures of me in the shower. I finally got the courage to just do it anyway, even if this was the roll with those pictures on them. I don't really look the same, my hair was long and jet black. Turns out, that wasn't the roll. Now I wonder which roll it is and where it went. Oh well, I did get some nice pictures out of it. My old kitty Cobweb and Jesse's black cat hecubus were most of the pics, then and awsome pic of Jesse, with his long black hair and being shirtless, looking very sexy. I also have some strange things that I did not take myself, example, my sister's elmo doll, eating chips??? So, i'm pretty sure of who it was now.

It's been so hot out and i'm actually enjoying the weather.